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I was thinking that I would just put a hat on… like i’ve been doing, but when the hell am i going to get off of that idea?

That’s another thing about natural hair, you never know what to do with it… at least i don’t. 

i spend soo much time watching natural hair videos that it’s not even funny. And i still can’t seem to get my hair to come out right.

i guess practice makes perfect, i’m just too impatient.

Someone pulled the hat off my head… well not someone a kid, and said Whoa those are coils. That’s funny… i guess.

No one understand my hair… i’m just starting to.

So i went natural last year… February to be exact. My reasoning, because I wanted to try something new and because a perm or relaxer whatever it’s called just wasn’t cutting it. I see a lot of girls who it works for but it NEVER worked for me. I think I was allergic to the stuff. No matter what brand i used, it just was a complete dumbass move. 

Then I began to wear microbraids. ( you know, weave) and finally realized after taking them out, just how long my hair was. I took into consideration that America was just rotten air and my hair would never grow here and that I had to live in Europe to live healthier.

I came to America and realized that, the culture is much more different. Not too many people are motivated to be active. We don’t eat (I don’t eat) as healthy as they do in Switz. I had legit kosher meat everytime I ate a Burger, even their McDonalds tasted better. And I only had Micky D’s once the whole year that I was there.

So then I came back home, and what do you know. I found some great growth and instead of being happy with my hair as is, i decided, I’m just gunna perm it… AGAIN! Then i ended up getting a scissor happy hair dresser who made it shorter. I was sooo upset. 

I googled why the hell my hair couldn’t grow, I thought it was just black people who just, really couldn’t grow hair and I looked over at my cousin and was like, “What’s in her gene pool?” She’s the same black as I am lol. So, I realized that it was the perm that I couldn’t take. It was damaging to my hair and on top of that, when my hair would get frizzy I would use the flat iron on it to make it even more straight. So major heat and chemical straightener were no longer getting along and my hair started to fall out. Of course, like a normal girl would, i started to cry. The i decided, welp, weave it up for life.

After that, I began to research natural hair. I learned sooo much about it. My type of hair can grow. Even though i knew this already. My hair is just different from, straight hair. It’s really tightly curled so it shrinks 60-80% when it’s wet, making it look super super short and also when needs lots of moisture because my natural oils can’t go down my hair and make it look all shiny because it’s too curly.

I can’t comb my hair when it’s dry because that’s when it’s at its weakest state and breaks off HELLAS! LOL.

I learned soo much about my hair that it’s really awesome. Sometimes people look at me like, ew, i d g a f . I’m just like, well sorry, i’m excited to start this journey. And I was but, what happened was I wore weave until I felt my afro was at a good enough length to be let out.

The world though is not such a nice place. Girls with chemical relaxers in their hair, most of them, relaxers are all they know. THey don’t know what they’re natural hair looks like. And I didn’t either. So how do you know how to care for hair that is like… hair you’ve only seen?

Having the natural roots grow and then slapping a relaxer is not the same as having an all natural afro. So what are you to do. Many people go back to relaxing and many people just cut it all off. I chose to transition. I love length. I don’t care what anyone has to say. Length fits my face better than a short hair do. Which is why I was always weaving it up. 

The people with perm in their hair, judge the people with afros and the ones that never even had to put a relaxer or deal with the controversy just judge them all. It’s a difficult thing to change about yourself, even if the matter is as simple as hair. It’s just hair. People dye their hair, red and dye their hair blue and cut it half off and do mohawks all the time. But our hair, as females is our confidence and our crown.

Right now, I’m in the process of trying to love my hair as is. I love it in private but in public it’s tucked away so no one has to deal it but me. At home I’m super proud of myself for going natural and looking at all the length that has come in, I’m just like, WOW, this is amazing. But outside it’s the fear of having people call my hair nappy or say things like ‘nigga naps’. Ignorance like that. Maybe I should just do it for myself and not give a fuck what people have to say but it’s extremely hard… and I’m still learning… it’s October 30 2011 and i’m almost near my one year mark. I just hope this journey helps me grow and love myself more.